Desire For Acceptance =)

Most people desire for acceptance, I mean, who don't? It was a cloudy Tuesday, the first school day in this week. We were in the hall after 20 minutes of recess, seated on the rather dusty wooden floor for some sort of speeches by speakers from Help University about ICT. We were not even a tad interested in the subject.

I heard a voice that seemed so distant, almost as if echoing in my head. "Who is this?" My subconscious mind told me the voice belonged to Nareen, the head prefect of our school. A friend of mine uttered my name in answer to the question. I guess the way I tilted my head towards the ground disguised my face.

"No wonder." I was certain this meant some sarcasm. So, I was labelled "a girl who would certainly sleep during talks". Apparently, sleeping during a speech wasn't the most brilliant thing to do. As my friends mouthed my name again (this time, it sounded like some vocal harmony version of my name), trying to wake me up, I recovered from the unintentional shuteye and regained my vision.

I endured the rest of the speech just staring straight into the slide presentation. Okay, I did pay heed to the presenter, but not all the time.

So yeah, most people desire for acceptance. I said something to a, um, sensitive friend of mine. I'm not sure if "sensitive" is the right word to put it. But, err, I admit my tonality didn't have a trace of kindness in it. She turned away with a certainly misleading look, the look that portrayed unsatisfactory on the conversation we had just now. To make matters worse, I discussed about it with some others friends in the classroom and it so happened that she was eavesdropping when she wanted to pass something to someone. (Well, let's not involve too much names in here.)

I wasn't accusing her at any degree. I, like any human, also long for acceptance. That could be the only reason why I was telling my other friends about it. I was afraid that she might have some hard feeling on this, which was a trivial matter that actually didn't need our attention at all. So, she heard me saying about her seemingly uninviting expression and apologized for it.

You see, how a small, teeny tiny matter could cause problems. It is all because we yearn for acceptance. We are afraid we do something wrong and the person is gonna hate us or something. I talked to my friends because of this reason. She, too, apologized for the same reason. Assuming I was right, shouldn't we slow down and have a break? And realize that it's really nothing big. Undoubtedly, we're still friends the way we were, or we can even be stronger. Point made. 'Nuff said.

Have a break, have a kit kat.

What Are Words: Chris Medina

It was a quarter after one. (Quoting Need You Now by Lady Antebellum =P) and I was not asleep yet. You see how insomnia could accompany me during holiday. Except that my situation wouldn't last for a month like how it would to a normal insomnia victim.

For some reason, my mind wouldn’t go to sleep when I decided it was time to. I was lying on the sponge mattress placed on the tiled white floor. The normally sluggish computer was playing the theme song of 2010 FIFA World Cup, Waving Flag by K'naan softly. Covered in my blanket, or shall I say, my brother's blanket, I decided to get up and do something else instead. Um, like, going online.

So, I was on Facebook chatting with a friend of mine. He introduced a song to me and insisted that I should blog about it after trying it. I wasn't in my pyjamas, well, I didn't have any. I was in a checkered buttoned red shirt and a pair of shorts, sitting on a ruddy stackable chair with my head 40cm from the 16-inches monitor (too much too much precision lol). I wasn't really reluctant but was just a little curious. Since it was only the beginning of the month, my internet usage hadn't reached the limit of 3GB as set by Maxis Broadband. It sucked, really. I then clicked on the link he gave me. Ah yes, it began loading as fast as it could, but I still had to wait for a minute or two.

The SonicGear speakers started playing the first few bars of the song, What Are Words by Chris Medina. It was piano. It was a little sad but sweet, and beautiful enough to get me carry on listening. The magic the piano could do. The rest of the song surely did hold me spellbound. His strong voice was awesome, powerful without being jarring and clear enough for me to catch most of the lyrics. Meaningful. After knowing his sob story, the reason of this song, I was certain that anyone who had flesh and blood would love this ballad, for it was touching and tear-jerking.

Chris Medina was a guy who touched everyone's heart and possibly made us shed a little tear with his heartbreaking love story. His girlfriend, or you would say, fiancee currently suffers from brain injury due to a car accident just a shy before a wedding day. Inspired in his AI story, this song was written by Rodney "Darkchild" Jerkins. He was saved for last on the show. The American Idol staffs were so touched by Chris that they tweeted a message calling him "one in a billion". He was even asked by the judges to meet his fiancee, Julianna immediately. Now, have a peek at the lyrics. P/S: I do not own it.

------

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

 ------


See? Love is the most beautiful thing on earth. And may Julianna get well soon, with the love from her fiance. Do try to enjoy this even though it's not your favourite sort of song. It's the meaning of it that makes it so special and appreciable. Here you go, What Are Words by Chris Medina.

Walk of Holidays

You'd probably see me reading the book Being Nikki, in these few days. It'd been so long I didn't read a single book, um, I mean, novel. I sat the whole day to read the book until my neck felt sour and stiff. If I was to read in bed, I'd go from sitting with perfectly correct posture to lying like I was going to sleep. Except that I wasn't. Too absorbed in the story, you see. I'd finished reading anyway.

By the way, it was good to know there were two different Michael Jackson on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. So, people, how's your walk of holiday going? Peace!

Being Nikki

It was really bad to learn that my body couldn't take any food or beverages that were.... cold, or slightly below my body's temperature. Ugh... You could guess what a few pieces of breads with butter spread could do to me. It was making my head ache like, you know, crazy.

On that normal schooling Thursday morning before our two-weeks holidays had started, I found a storybook with maroon hard cover laying on one of those light yellow and brown canteen tables as I walked into the school. I removed my bag from my shoulder and let it rest on the bench. I saw my right hand reaching for the one-inch-thick book. I ran my fingers over the uneven surface. It read "Being Nikki". It was a novel written by Meg Cabot, the author of The Princess Diaries, later made by Walt Disney Pictures into two feature films, if you don't know.

Apparently, someone had left it there the day before. I mean, what else? I opened the book with care, careful enough to not damage the book in any way, since it was not mine. Then, I began reading it. It was a story about, a girl named Em Watts had undergone a brain transplant and she was then in Nikki Howard, a supermodel's body. All about how she moved on with her new life while her every move was spied by her boss, Robert Stark, the one who gave Em Watts brain transplant, but a villain.

So, I'm gonna report this to the lost and found after the holiday, meaning after I'm done reading this whole book. To the owner of this book, thanks and no worry, you're getting it back later in perfect condition. Evil me anyway.

I'm so lame.

Wee, I'm done with my Accounting folio. The next day after my classes, I'll have to rush to the shop opposite my school to print it out. Then, run back *I might need to gallop like a horse, to be fast enough. Hahahaha...* to Puan Nor's office to hand her my hard work just as she has demanded. Money again. I have a perfectly functioning printer but its software just cannot be installed correctly in my computer. I'll be in a state of extreme poverty soon.

Perhaps reading the pointless PJK is the best thing to do right now, to save myself from guilt of letting myself soar in pain due to inability to answer the questions or guilt of letting my creativity flow and create my very own PJK theory. Imagining results with flying colors but with one ugly remark is horrifying. I want my beautiful result slip decorated with As. Oh fine, even if PJK is not in the result slip, I'm gonna read it.

Can I say something? Actually, I don't feel like reading anymore. Excuse my lameness.

Sayonara, Nightmare!

The horrible nightmare, or shall I say, the all-for-our-own-good exams are finally over, for the time being. We have more important papers to sit for this year. You know, SPM. I can finally bid the eye bags, eye dark circles and tired, lifeless look goodbye! Oh wait, most of us have one more paper to go tomorrow, i.e. PJK a.k.a. Health Education paper. But, no one really cares about that because it is just simply pointless. To those who are sitting for Literature In English paper and Chinese Language paper, too bad, your nightmare is longer than ours. *evil* Same to students from other schools that arranged their exams much later than our school did. Ganbatte and good luck to you guys anyway.

I made A LOT, honestly and seriously I'm telling you, HELL LOTS of mistakes I shouldn't have made. It is just like you know the perfect answer to solve the question but you simply wanna dream and not open your eyes big to read and understand what they are really asking for. But I know that kind of I-should-have-scored-higher-it's-only-the-stupid-mistakes-I've-made thinking is not gonna help in any way. Now I just can't wait to get my result! I'm putting high expectation on my Malay Language paper. Additional Mathematics and Mathematics too. Please, please, let my wish be realized.

Even though we're not gonna read anything for PJK paper, but isn't it too cruel of Puan Nor to have us doing our Accounting folio today and have us pass it up tomorrow? So you see, I have to rush now.

I don't wanna die, yet.

Gosh! The hanging nail almost cut my wrist and killed me! I was trying to reach for a book across the racks and the nail just did the magic and scaped off my skin. Never mind, they are only DEAD skin, or else, I'm already dead by now. (How does it feel to have my wrist cut then? No no, vanish the thought.) Evil pointed nail. *Aren't all nails pointed?* I've been extremely EMO today. You know I don't mean European Music Office. LOL My mood fluctuates much and my mind was flooded with whole bunch of negative thoughts these few days due to some unpleasant happenings. Writing this post meaning I'm already fine, well, quite. I'm eliminating my stress by being hyperactive and insane in some ways. I'm so sorry if I've made anyone mad or sad because of my stupid, unexplainable and foolish acts recently. Look at my glossy eyes, pleading for forgiveness. “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” I know you guys love me much. Hahaha...

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid to miss anything beautiful.
I'm afraid no one will remember me.
I'm afraid I'm just not that important.
I'm afraid what I want to do is just plainly pointless.
I'm afraid there's too much pain to take.
I'm afraid my friends will be sad although I don't think my disappearance will make any difference.
I'm afraid he won't learn to live and go on with his life.
I'm afraid I'm too sinned to leave so early.
I'm afraid God won't forgive me.
I'm afraid of the life after death.
I'm afraid, I really am, now I'm stuck in the middle, I can't leave or stay, for I have no value.

Jiwang

Her mind was loaded with wrath

Her words were hurtful

For once her heart was pared

But she never knew when

She will succumb to darkness

Living in an agony of remorse

For she has no purpose on Earth

And her life is in disgust.

HELP University College

The dawn was already breaking when we reached there. I was sitting in the backseat on the grey car cushion. Through the windows, I surveyed the surrounding to see if anyone had made an early arrival like I had. No. No one, which was not very surprising. While waiting for the daylight to grow, my mom and I decided to have our breakfast at a restaurant just nearby my school. Yes, it was a Saturday morning and I was to go to school. Those who had signed up for a ICT workshop that was going to be held at HELP University College were to gather at the school before going to the college by bus. Well, which means I was one of the "enthusiastic" students who actually bothered to sign up for this supposed-to-be-thrilling workshop. Hahaha...

Pei Teng, Yen Kei and I were taken aback upon knowing that every teachers of our school were joining us, including our principal, Miss Goh. I was like, damn she's gonna give me a lecture about my fringe again. Time to be obedient. Before she started to say a thing, I quickly pinned them up. My forehead could shine.

Speaking of the workshop, we were divided into two groups. One about photo editing, the Picasa program. I have it in my computer ages agooooo. Needless to say, I'd already known how to operate Picasa as well. Another about Scratch, a program you can use to create simple games (2nd session) or story telling video clips (1st session). We didn't have a choice to make but doomed to go for the Scratch workshop led by Miss Ng. Sorry to say, the first session was awfully boring. I felt like crucifying myself so that I could get out of there. Well, ignore the exaggeration. I walked around to ensure I wouldn't fall asleep. But, whenever anyone asked if the workshop was fun, we would fake a smile and say yeah it was great. Then, turn away and laugh. The second session after the tea break was better, at least not so mind-numbing. I thought they should be teaching us something like basic programming language. It failed my expectation. But, never mind. At the least, we got the chance to visit HELP University College. With awesome facilities and nice food. And I sneezed right after imbibing the cold refreshing orange juice.

Yen Kei: After the exams when I am free, I wanna cook spaghetti for ya.
Ning Jie: OK, why not?
Yen Kei: And add some meat. It's gonna taste so great.
Ning Jie: ... evil you.

She knew I am a vegetarian. What a joke.

Anyway, Yen Kei's mom sent me home. I met her six-year-old younger brother again. So cute!