Sunday, October 28, 2012


No words can describe the degree of my foolishness.
I was so stupid.
It was too big a favour.
I should never have agreed to do it.
Now I feel like shyt.
You're a jerk, really.
I hate you.
I've lost it, my integrity. =(

Friday, October 19, 2012

MUET Essay 37/60

I do agree to the statement that studying abroad has greater prospects than studying locally. For one having financial problems, studying abroad or locally, more often than not, is not a matter that one can decide. However, if one is given the opportunity to study either abroad or locally with full financial support, what choice would he make? I believe that most individuals prefer to opt for the former. This is due to the greater prospects of studying abroad compared to locally which include stronger adaptation to working environment acquired, ample job opportunities, gaining different life experiences compared to those who study locally and getting to know cultures of other countries.

Home is where everything is made easy and comfortable for the government does take good care of its fellow people. For instance, the government is recently giving handouts of money or book vouchers for scholars to assist them financially. With the government's assistance, the path to earning a degree in university is made simple. However, people who study abroad do stand at an advantage even though they may be alone and far from their home town. Studying abroad is always thought to be of higher level of difficulties as it requires one to be a proficient user of foreign language such as French or Japanese if not the international language, English. Amidst all the quandaries, one will learn to accommodate to the environment which is utterly different from his home town without any help or assistance significant enough. They stand at an advantage for they will acquire strong adaptation to working environments and they are competent to handle their job better than those who studied locally.

Some say the perception of other people or their stereotype is not important as long as we strive for the best in whatever we do. However, in this world engulfed by materialism, this is not always the case. People are judged with tainted spectacles based on their family background, financial status or even by where they have obtained their degree or master. The Malaysian mentality is that a graduate from abroad is undoubtedly better and more capable. Of course, the employers would not think differently and I can see the rationale in this kind of mentality. Universities from abroad with good reputation are certainly producing graduates of better qualities than those of local. Hence, studying abroad does have greater prospects.

Next, one who studies abroad is open to a vast sea of job opportunities. These job opportunities, more often than not, promise a high pay which could be translated to the transformation of one's financial status. Money will not give us whatever whim we fancy but without money, almost nothing can be done in this 21st century. This may not sound convincing to the nation but it is indeed an undeniable benefit and offer to the individual. Those who study locally are deemed to contribute to their own country and this somehow can be a limitation to their own success for they are not exposed to various opportunities like how those who study abroad are.

In addition, even though Malaysia is a developing country and we have watched its success over half a decade of independence, some of its universities are still not very well equipped. There are even complaints that the lecturers are not good enough to provide the scholars with sufficient and appropriate knowledge. These shortcomings could be overcome easily only if one chooses to study abroad in a more developed country where the necessary apparatus and materials for effective learning are provided and good lecturers are promised. Therefore, it can be concluded that studying abroad provides better education for the scholars.

Latterly, the idea that Malaysian graduates lack skills like creative thinking skills, interpersonal skills and so on to name a few is widely debated. This is, however, true to some extent for they are not pushed to their limits and the ways of teaching and learning in local universities do not require one to think out of the box and present themselves in the best way possible. It is opposite for universities from abroad since their ways of teaching differ and are less rigid and more flexible which in turn, allow room for intelligence capacity. This produces graduates who are of greater ability and they will surely gain benefits when looking for jobs since people like them are more wanted.

Besides, one who studies abroad gets to know the culture of the country he is studying in. Studying abroad serves as an eye opener and is such great life experience that one who studies locally could never possibly acquire. They will learn to understand how certain things that are accepted in one society can be so strongly objected in another. They will see the beauty of other country's culture instead of being immersed and engulfed in their own. They will also have an entire different circles of friends and build up a large network of acquaintances which can be very helpful when they are out to work.

To sum up, studying abroad not only enhances the quality of education one is receiving, it is also very rewarding and promising in many ways. Like what I have mentioned, one who study abroad is held much more highly than one who studies locally. They have bigger circle of friends and better job opportunities. Not to forget, they are also more holistic and competent. Hence, it is impossible not to believe that studying abroad indeed has greater prospects than studying locally.

*I personally think I deserve a little more, just a little more than 37. TT

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

En passant

I went home just to find the cables connecting the system unit with other hardware all unplugged. Got me exasperated. Bro, what the hell were you doing with those cables? .__.

And oh, talking about a guy I've just befriended. We are classmates and only got the chance to formally introduce ourselves to each other after school's dismissal yesterday. He gave me an impression that he is a quiet guy, rather reticent. Am I imagining things to think that he looked so tensed during lessons?

I had quite some fun passing the time with some friends when the teacher wasn't around, yet. It so happened that three of us were selected and had attended the National Service. Except that we were placed in different camps, in the different corners of Malaysia. We shared our experience, told our tales about the happenings throughout the 3-months National Service. En passant, speaking of the shooting activity in the camp, I kind of regretted that I didn't take a photo of me posing with the M16 rifle. *wannalookcool

God is watching over you, He hears you. =)

Monday, June 11, 2012


1) Today had definitely proven my distress and worries superfluous. My classmates were nothing short of cordial. And I reckon, I was being convivial if not hyperactive. I was glad I didn't look all lost and alone already.

2) The most difficult part of Malaysian University English Test (MUET) is the speaking test they said. And I could not beg to differ. During our MUET lesson just today, we were exposed to this particular speaking test. I'm not so sure that I can do very well for this test because I'd never put conversing in English into practice even in St Mary. But I hope that with the training from our teacher, Puan Geraldine, I'll be well prepared before the real test in July 2013. Yeah, we are so many months away, which is sort of good.

3) Latterly, I've been engaging myself in painting wall mural in school. Um, for the sake of some co-curricular activities points to ensure my bright future for university admission (smirking, hehe). And it's never boring to play with colours! =P

4) Mom always wanted me to walk a short distance from school to somewhere near the 99 Speedmart and she'd pick me up there. You know, to avoid the busy traffic near the school where myriad cars are so obstructed that they could scarcely move. Today after school dismissal, I could barely catch any sight of her car. After waiting for a long while, I decided I should just head home on my feet. Walking home from SMK Kepong Baru is not cool at all. It's 5km or one hour under the scorching sun. All I got in the end was being severely tongue-lashed 'cause I made her wait for almost an hour there. What luck. I must have been visually impaired or she reached there right after I was gone.

The way she reverts to the normal, good her after mentally thrashing me is driving me up the wall. Then, another displeased look. Ahhhh......

Today was a pleasant day, anyway. =)

Sunday, June 10, 2012


I like Christine Grimmie's emotion so so much.

Feel so fucked up right now. 'Cause mom's constantly feeding me with sarcasm. She has never stopped trying, you know. Then, she always turns around and acts like nothing's ever happened. And throw me another displeased look. What the......

I must convince myself I was only having a dream.

Now I am thinking one is better than two.

I'm a Worrywart

I've been such a worrywart and I'm sorry I'm still one. Sometimes I feel like I'm annoying you. Sometimes I think you're mad at me. Sometimes I think I'm worth nothing. Sometimes I think I've made the most colossal mistake in the world. What can I do to make myself see there's no need for insecurities? I. have. no. idea.

I used to think the people who post a thousand or a million statuses fueled with negativity and pessimism on Facebook should get a life. Now I think I know what they feel. They yearn for recognition. Partly to console their insecure selves. Or simply attention seeking.

You made a decision that you wanted to move on, 'cause I was wrong.

Saturday, June 9, 2012


A friend of mine told me she wants to make it a point to chat with at least 2 people on Facebook a day to ensure her Facebook is not only filled with once-good-friends-now-strangers. That sounds like a pretty good practice. And I've been dropping out of good practice. I used to make sure that I google every single new words that I came across whenever I was on the internet, whether I was simply chatting with a friend or reading an article. At that time, this practice made my vocabulary a little less handicapped than my peers. Then, slowly, my laziness caught me. I tended to just skip the words I didn't quite comprehend and the practice faded. Now I want to make it a point to pick up this practice of mine again. =)



Infatuation with Sam Tsui

So this is it. Two days before the two-week school holiday, I officially launched my first step into SMK Kepong Baru as a sixth former (or a STPM, pre-university program student, if that sounds better) after weeks of painstaking (or not so) experience in SMK Raja Abdullah, mostly because of their below-standard facilities. To think about smelly toilets with a sign that says "Berhati-hati, siling mungkin akan jatuh. (Beware, the ceiling might fall.)" and the frequent absents of teachers. But the people there were amiable enough. No friends means no survival. How can you survive even a day in school having no one to talk to? So I made sure I made at least a few friends if not acquaintances at SMKRA, a school I've left but will surely miss (I mean the people =P).

The very recent days were such pain. I spent the first week of my holiday, wandering in Facebook, scrolling and stalking until my head went all woozy and um, hanging out with friends, kind of like a mini reunion with the new friends I've just made at SMKRA. Then, there came the second week, which I decided to spend with minimum time wastage and maximum productivity. That apparently failed in every way for a procrastinator like me.

For that few days ago, my daily routine was to
1) wake up at 11am (when the time came, my body just ticked then voila, I was awakened by what I didn't know, the natural body alarm I reckon)
2) brush my teeth, wash my face, tie my hair up into a high ponytail to vanish the afro hair look... haha
3) sign in to Facebook, check the updates while having my brunch
4) start with my homework, leaving the Facebook signed in. Yeah I said "leaving", I was actually sitting right in front of the computer, checking with my notification every 5 minutes despite the possibility of getting fatal disease due to constant exposure to the radiation from the computer my mom said.

Then, the sudden realization of how boring these things are, to be repeated every single day.
Then, the sudden realization that I need a friend, to talk to.
Then, the sudden realization that they are so busy with their own hectic college or university life.
Then, the sudden realization that I look like that forever alone meme... Ah, dang.

While I was at SMKRA making friends, wasting time, the teachers in SMKKB didn't seem to take any rest at all. They were way ahead of time, like they wanted to finish teaching the syllabus in the shortest time possible. So I was all cracking my head, up the wall, down the dungeon for that few days, only the few days when I was super hardworking, catching up with the other students in SMKKB, since I was one already.

I finally got someone on Facebook to talk to me! He said, it's just a phase. It's only the beginning and beginnings are always harder. And I believed him. I didn't know why I was (and still am) so obsessed with the idea of having a friend who would answer to me whenever I need them. I really shouldn't expect so much, when I'm not doing the same. I think I, too, look all busy with my own thing. If there is a friend like that, it's more like a friend with benefit.

Where am I already? Oh everything will be fine they said. I hope when school reopens, I'm already free from the grasp of those fright, apprehensions, fear, worries or whatever you call it.

When my butts got bored with the same place, same red chair, that was when I stopped my fight. What happened was the obvious: homework undone.

So today was no different! My butts were still bored. My initial plan of only window-shopping were totally disrupted when a pair of simple black jeans caught my eyes. I was happy I bought it only for RM22! Now that was some good price. ^^V

Sam Tsui is awesome. I admire him. =)

Sunday, April 22, 2012


Wee... I've received my salary today. RM120 for three days of work at a restaurant of my friend's parents i.e. Restaurant JK. It provides Malaysian style food for tourists of group tours from China. I only needed to sit at the counter, collect money and vouchers, then peel potatoes and wipe dry the dishes after the tourists went off. I actually expected a higher pay because I was paid RM50 the other day. Depreciation. But since those weren't really difficult or tedious work and they were being kind to let me work when they didn't need much help, I dared not ask for more. Now I'm thinking of ways to continue making money. Seriously in desperate need of money. Money is bliss, believe me.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

My Stomach

Mom and sis went out for work. Bro was in school. Jade and Krystal were sent off to their nanny. So I was home alone again. It didn't mean total freedom. It meant cleaning up the house before everyone returns. Js was right. I'm so much like an Indonesian maid now. With my dark skin and the chores. No no, I don't mean I'm upset for that fact. I'm still staying happy and contented. =)

Eating is like something I would never stop doing. Like Caely (a blogger) said, she eats while doing something else 99% of the time. And that's me, too. I got myself some Chinese New Year cake (nian2 gao1 i.e. leftovers from CNY which was like months ago). I removed the cold, hard, brown CNY cake from the refrigerator and steamed it into hot, sticky ones for tea time. It tasted a little musty. But I don't think I'm getting stomachache. Still feeling fine. I have a cast iron stomach you know.

No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut
~Channing Pollock

Found this quote somewhere on the net. I lol-ed.

Speaking of food, mom is now making some sweet potato soup. Time to pamper my taste buds. =P


I really felt like swearing. Early in the morning, I heard mom tongue-lashing my brother for her missing keys. It kind of awakened me, um, not totally. I was half awakened and what I knew was coming came. She angrily pulled me from my sleep and shoved me into complete consciousness. So her action meant "You'd better wake up and look for the keys NOW" as if I was the one responsible for it. I knew it was coming because it wasn't the first time she wakes me up like that. Yeah, she was mad. I was fuuuuuuurious. I went to bed at like almost 5 in the morning. It was only 7.30 and she was waking me up for the sake of her missing keys? It's not like she had no copies. The best part was I couldn't go back to sleep. And I had found her damn keys for her. In that damn eco friendly reusable shopping bag. What a wonderful way to start a day. I need slumber...

Now she is looking a little sorry. Y U disturb my sleep? *sigh* I forgive you. =.=


Some people like to swear for nothing. And I could hardly understand why. Maybe they think it's actually cool. Let me tell you, SO NOT.

It's What You Call Long

1) Seems like most of my peers are heading for tertiary education. Many opted for Tunku Abdul Rahman college for, um, you know, fee waivers. SPM graduates with 9A's or above can actually be on a 100% fee waiver. They hardly have to pay at all other than registration fees etc that only cost for about more or less a thousand. Pay a thousand and you get your diploma. I'm all eligible for this stuff but too bad, my mom would never give me the green light. She's worried for that kind of what-if-the-fee-waiver-is-cancelled-when-you-failed-to-maintain-your-good-performance-in-college-and-I-have-to-pay problem.
Anyway, pursuing my studies in a secondary school is not a bad idea though. Before the real Form 6 classes actually start, I'm to attend tuition provided by some teachers from SMK Kepong Baru at the obvious, SMKKB. So that we could cope with the lessons better than the rest when the first semester has its kick start. We have to pay RM30 for 14 Chemistry lessons and 14 Maths lessons. I find both subjects very interesting and fun so far. These two have been my favourite subjects when I was still at the SPM level. Ah, it felt like heaven to refresh my brain with mathematics and chemistry again after I've wasted weeks at home, doing nothing productive.

Those who had been in contact with me would have known the above stories already since I was a little disappointed for what mom thought of me on the college stuff. Oh wait. A little? "Very much distraught" should be it.  Then, super excited for what maths looked like to me. So, I went around ranting to every victim I could find. Apparently, still ranting about it.

2) Moving on. My sister has moved back into my house a couple of days ago. I hated her. I really hated her so much that I wouldn't wanna see her face. The dismaying face. I've sort of buried the hatchet. Sort of. But still not talking much to her. I forgot to mention, she's back with her kids as well. So instead of attempting any small talk with her, I talk to her kids who are terribly arrogant, demanding and impolite at times, but hell they can be cute and lovely too.

3) I've seen an article on why Mr. X regrets getting 10A1 in the SPM examination. He talked about mediocre talents. I think that very much applies to me. Except that I didn't get 10A+ (equivalent to 10A1). I can't play any musical instrument. I don't play any sports. I don't have any impressive talents. Oh maybe I do have, it's buried.

4) Life in National Service was very systematic. I used to wake up at 5.30am (Xiao Ling was my human alarm), morning assembly and exercises at 6, breakfast at 7.20, classes at 8.20, morning tea time at 10.30, lunch at 12.30 etc. It was like that. Every single day. I remember when I was in the camp, I naively promised myself that I'd maintain this systematic and healthy lifestyle even after I'm out of the camp. Now that I'm out and free, I've ended up watching dramas and movies until 3 in the morning. Or stalking people on Facebook. Or... just... anything... stupid and unproductive. Stupid, but I'm still doing it. I think I need to reboot my sleep cycle.

5) Just watched Mr Popper's Penguins the movie. It's like one of those make-believes, awesome movie featuring kyeopta penguins causing mayhem at every stop! Kids especially would love it. Pitch perfect fun.

6) Facebook nowadays often reminds me of the past, luring me to look backwards. My friends in school, in National Service. The memories are already created, etched on my heart and could never be wiped off. Be it happy ones or heart-breaking ones. Those days were whole lots of fun with laughter and tears (of real agony of remorse). We used to see each other every day. Now it's super hard to just meet up for a day. Everyone is so busy with their own schedule. I reckon it's gonna be worse when we're out to work.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Lost and Found

March 8, 2012

Mom was overwrought that something unfavourable might happen to me when we were first informed that I was chosen to attend the national service camp in Miri, Sarawak which was two hours flight from my home. So, out of complete concern, she got me an amulet from some temple. Then I was damn worried that Mom would swallow me because I lost it. Careless me. I sent the amulet together with my class uniform to the logistic unit for laundry service. So like you should know, when I got the shirt back, the amulet was no longer in the pocket. Ta-da! It vanished, just like that. And there went my peaceful life. Mom said I was supposed to retaliate the "borrowed protection" from the God by returning the amulet etc. Complicated stuff.

Talking about this afternoon, our company -- Bravo jersey shirts were finally done! I was happy and excited to grab mine because our jersey design was presumably the sexiest (not literally) and best among that of the four companies so far. To my dismay, my shirt was nowhere found in the big plastic bag I thought looked like a Santa sack. Imagine my emotionless face though I felt as if I was stabbed by a thousand if not a million knifes on the inside. Okay, obvious exaggeration. Still, I want my jersey so badly. *I got it later at night. I seriously had no idea how it could be with the wira. (In the camp, female trainees were addressed "wirawati" and male trainees "wira".)

The shooting results were released a few days ago. I was grateful I had the chance to "play" with M16 rifle but it didn't mean the outcome was always glorious. So, I only managed to get 12 with the possible highest marks being 100. Pathetic. Real pathetic. I actually felt like erasing my name and marks from the display board. But I was totally consoled to see that there were quite a number of trainees whose shots didn't touch the target board, at all. =P Anyway, Bravo company had the highest average marks, making it the overall best company in shooting. This is it!

It was like a lost and found day, if you get it. =)


March 6, 2012

I was wandering in the hope that I would stumble upon someone I could really talk to for a couple of minutes to wash away the boredom that had been haunting me. My eyes lingered. My legs walked in a slow but steady pace. I found no candidate and it took me a while to realize I forgot where I had placed my cute H2O bottle. Tell you a lame thing. I saw it resting beside a rubbish bin when I was throwing some waste papers away. Happily embraced it and walked back into my classroom. *mood lift* LOL

My smart-looking teacher for the current module, i.e. Mr Hafiz was not there, yet. Then I was stupidly alienating myself from the people. *mood drop* I tossed my head, examining my surrounding. The faint chatter grew stronger while I started immersing myself in own thoughts. How random and how unnecessary that my mind suddenly conceived nothing but the fear of abandonment, grasping me with its brutishness.

A day when my mood fluctuated, very much.

Another thing that was never constant was my weight.

When I first entered the Miri National Service Camp, my weight was 46kg. After a week or two, I shed 3kg. Then gained 2kg. Today I was a 44kg girl. Still underweight but I'm fine with it. =)